Grown-Up

When in doubt, go to Bahia. That ended up becoming the motto of my trip. I had taken time off, but my plans had fallen through, and I needed a getaway to make the most of my time away from work.

Given what I had planned, Itacaré ended up being a last-minute alternative, at a time of disillusionment and with a lot on my mind.

It was a very different trip from my backpacking journey before the pandemic. This time I had a car, stayed alone in an Airbnb, and could get around with much more independence.

Just being in Bahia made me feel better. The people, the beaches, the forest, the pace. The energy really was different, and it was what I needed at that moment.

Since I was alone and had plenty of time to walk, I recorded many videos trying to understand what I was going through and reflecting alongside the camera. At that point in my life, I wanted to keep trying different things, keep stepping outside my comfort zone, and make better use of the time I have in this life.

I think it has started to sink in now, at 30, that I really am an adult, that I have responsibilities and needed to decide what to do with my life. Actually, I already knew what to do with my life, but I think what struck me most was realizing that only I can decide how to use my time.

I had just come from the trek across Lençóis Maranhenses, which had left a deep impression on me. And the reflection that emerged later, in São Paulo, about this trip was that realization that I am a grown-up.

At last, I realize that I am a person. A grown-up, open, prepared, and finite. Someone who wants to live, wants to grow, wants to face things head-on. Someone who does not let life beat him down.

I am alive, my mother’s handiwork. The Sun made me determined and responsible; the Moon, empathetic and dreamy; Mercury, pragmatic; Venus, revolutionary and faithful in love; Mars, intentional and ambitious. Even so, I was the one who made myself a person.

I remember the maxim: what matters is not what they made of me; what matters is what I make of what they made of me.

If the statistics bear out and nothing tragic happens, this year I complete the first third of my time. Time that is relentless, devours us, and moves on, indifferent to our desire.

I enter the next two thirds committed to being radically responsible for what I will make of myself. I know that my greatest deeds, the ones for which I will be remembered when I am dead, are still to come.